Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
