i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Are we still banned from the library?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
