ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
