last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
