smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
