I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
