I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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