The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
