Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm at about main and main street
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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