So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
