trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
