**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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