So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
