I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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