I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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