Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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