Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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