6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
