Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
