bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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