the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
