literally had 100 drinks last night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
