you guys were way drunker than both of me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
