we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
