Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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