I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
