I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize