He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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