Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
