What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
