He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
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I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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