I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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