hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
