Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
