Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
