Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
