Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
