man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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