420 ftw
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
