I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
