We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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