But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
