She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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