dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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