doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
