My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize