Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize