True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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