you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
