i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
