I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
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THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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