The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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