We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
