we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
