I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
false alarm, still single
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
