Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
