just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
