trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My vagina just recognized that song.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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