i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
