can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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